Back to spending too much time at internet cafes!!

I never made it back to an internet cafe. Monday I finally made it to the Hill Tribe Museum. I didn't plan very well so I left without eating lunch and got there an hour before it closed and could only think about food the whole time.

The main question I wanted to know was how Karens decided that pink was going to be their color of choice and where they get (or used to get, cause now I hear they buy it from cities) the dye from. The museum didn't answer that and I felt like I was in too grumpy of a mood to talk to anyone. Usually the tuk tuk drivers are really talkative and I try to practice speaking Thai with them but that day I was cranky and I was just giving one syllable English answers. I was thinking about saying, "Sorry, I'm very hungry right now and I have low blood sugar. I'm normally a much more pleasant person" but I didn't know how to say the second part in Thai.

So Tuesday morning I flew to Bangkok (again, didn't leave the airport), then to Samui. I got to Bangkok pretty early (I went to Chiang Mai Airport early because, again, I didn't buy the ticket beforehand) and was able to get on a flight leaving about 20 minutes after I arrived at the airport. Stand by is awesome! So I got to Samui, went to Koh Pha Ngan on the the cheap, wood boat, starting getting hit on by Israelis not even 10 minutes after the boat took off. He said, "are you Israeli?" and I said no and he said, "Because you are beautiful, like Israeli women." I said thanks. Mote met me when I got off the boat. He had arranged for a room for me (cheaper than the place he works at) which was really good cause for some reason a lot of the places are full here. Still! I don't understand. Full Moon Party is a couple weeks away. Someone said because of Chinese New Year, but I still only see Israelis here and I doubt they're here to celebrate Chinese New Year.

It was raining when I got to Samui, raining when I got to Koh Pha Ngan, then it stopped for a little bit, but then I went for dinner it started raining again. Then the electricity went out for about an hour, on the whole island. When I was here last time it happened too but it was either during the day when it didn't matter that much or only for 20 seconds if it was at night.

You're not left with a lot of options when the electricity goes out at 8pm on a beach island when it's raining. I just sat at the restaurant listening to other people's conversations. Lots of girls saying, "When's it going to come back on???" Over and over. Like anyone around them had any idea. One time I asked Pom (in Thai!) , "When are we going to leave?" and her answer was, "When we leave!" I feel like Dad would have a very interesting time in Thailand.

Ooops. Mote just stopped by and told me check out time was 10am for the bungalow I'm staying at. It's 11:19 so I guess I'll stay here another day. That's ok. I bought two books yesterday and reading in Haad Rin is pretty similar to reading in Mae Haad so it's not that bad.

Oh! Yesterday I started learning the Thai alphabet. Tough stuff! They have 44 consonants, 11 vowels (each with a long and a short version), 5 tones, and then a couple more other little punctuation marks for some letters (and no song!). I know about 9 letters so far. It's fun to write the letters because they're all really squiggly with lots of circles.

The computer I'm on isn't allowing me to upload pictures but I'll try to give you a quick run down of my favorites of the cast of characters from the elephant park last week.

Will (aka Will the Thrill/Patrick Swayze) - 38, Louisiana. Half the time he was (understandably) freaking out about coming back from Iraq. He just quit his Haliburton job there of 6 months. He was on a ton of drugs and extremely emotional. He would often get into really deep (one way) conversations about it with a lot of, "you haven't seen what I've seen," "you've didn't have to carry your friend's dead bodies from the battlefield" and stuff like that. Pretty fucking (excuse my language) intense. After about a half hour of depressing stories he would go into how much he hated George Bush now, how we're all fucked, there's no solution, we shouldn't have gone in the first place but now that we're there we can't leave, and neither the Republicans or Democrats are going to get us out of this mess, only the Independents, and therefore, yes, we're fucked. The other half the time he was being, um, a Southern Gentleman, but not really. He really liked being macho, but he also really liked complaining. Example: Sitting in the back of the pick-up truck is pretty cold when you're going fast. Therefore we had blankets on us. I was sitting on the right side, Isabelle was on the left side and Will was in the middle. He was constantly trying to make sure the two of us had enough blankets (after we said we really didn't care) but then would start yelling, "I'm so fucking cold!"

Isabelle, a fairly quiet girl most of the time, eventually lost it, sat up and screamed, "Take the fucking duna!" (duna = Australian for comforter) I put earplugs in my ears, pulled my beanie over my head and tried to not hear him as much as possible. Another time Rachel said, "I'm going to go to sleep, but if you want to put your legs out wake me up, and I'll move. It's not a problem. Ok?" When she woke up he said something like, "It's about time you woke up, I was so cramped, all I wanted to do was put my legs out...." Rachel said, "I said wake me up!" His response, "A Southern gentleman can not wake a beautiful lady up when she's sleeping!" But endlessly complaining is totally fine.

Will is why people think Americans are loud, obnoxious and rude. He had what Laura called his "center of attention jumpsuit." If at any time not enough people were paying attention to him he would put it on and do something with fire or a big knife.

I realized he wasn't going to help my "not all Americans suck" cause on the first night. Some football game was on and he went on this rant about how "A man knows he's found a good lady if she can sit back and enjoy a football game with him," or something like that. He went on for about 20 minutes on this. I told him that, although I'm not even a fan of football, I've been to more football games than my boyfriend. He didn't have a response to this. Will was really into making sweeping generalizations about America and Americans and especially American men. This killed me! I felt like I had to walk around following him saying, "Guys, please don't believe him. He's just weird, and he just got back from Iraq, and he's from Lousiana. Most people in America don't fit this descriptions I'm pretty sure." But then again George Bush is president so what do I know about the average American? I have no idea. I've been asked on more than one occasion, "Hey Beth, you're American, why did George Bush get elected again?" I usually say, "I don't know. Half the country, myself included, was just as surprised and disappointed as you and, what seems like, the rest of the world." I wonder what they thought I was going to say. Nex time I'll add "There are a lot of people in America and I don't know most of them. Sorry I can't help you out more."

After being quiet for a day (very un-Will like) he ended up freaking out and taking off in the middle of the night. Like 2 in the morning he just left, started walking down the street. It was at least a hour walk to anywhere that may have been open, but it was so late, I can't imagine there was anything open for at least 3 or 4 hours. Apparently earlier in the day he had asked someone if putting your thumb out works for hitchhiking in Thailand too. We felt weird but what can you do? Chase him down and beg him to come back? He's 38, not 6, right? Weird weird weird. I just hope he got wherever he wanted to go alright.

Awkward moment Monday morning in the office in Chiang Mai when an English girl he had told about the park showed up:
Her: "Hey, so you were at the park last week! You met Will! I'm friends with him! Did he tell you I was coming up this week? When did he leave yesterday? He was supposed to meet up with me last night." (Rachel and I looked at each other and stayed silent. Jeff stepped in.)
Jeff: "Um, well, there were a couple of different vans that left at different times yesterday."
Her: "Oh he probably forgot where we were going to meet up. What a great guy, huh?"
Jeff: "He's a character all right."

There are a bunch of people who stayed up there for the second week. I wonder if anyone will tell her what happened.

Moose and Adam- England. A vegan English couple from Hastings (South coast). They were extremely funny. Adam, a very expressive, fast talker, stood in front of a village of Karen people (99% of whom don't understand English) and said, "Hello everyone, my name's Adam. I'm from England, the south coast. I'm feeling a bit under the weather today, but I'm sure I'll be feeling better soon, and I'm very happy to be here." And maybe a couple more sentences. His girlfriend Moose is the quieter, slower speaking one of the pair then introduced herself, "My name's Moose. I'm from England." My first conversation with them kind of scared me. They were talking about laundry and I said, "Oh I have some extra detergent if you need it." Adam's response, "Is it eco?" My answer, "Eh, no. It was the cheapest stuff that 7-11 had at 7:30 this morning." They sometimes made me feel like a bad person who hated animals and the environment but mostly made me laugh so it's ok.

Isabelle - 19, Australia. Will said he had this fiance he was in love with (but hasn't met in person yet, only email and phone calls) and knew that Isabelle has a boyfriend of three years, but neither of these facts stopped him from being obsessed with Isabelle. Honestly, obsessed. She handled it pretty well most of the time. Making a lot of, "oh my god, what is wrong with this guy" faces to Rachel and me. I'll admit, the first day I saw her I was thinking, "Uh oh, her clothing's really nice and she's wearing make up. I wonder if she's going to hate this place." But she loved it. I love when I make assumptions and then end up completely wrong.

Laura - 31, New Hampshire. Laura is currently teaching English and Journalism at a university in Shanghai. She has a ton of really funny stories. I think I wrote before about the English names for the kids in Danny's dorm. Laura's student have even better ones. "Lots of Kinkys, Sprite, Pepsi, Pear, Orange..." and a ton more I can't remember. She said she tries to tell them, "It's fine for now, but when you put out your CV you may want to think about changing your name." Before her Chinese professor job she worked for NPR in New Hampshire. She knew Interlocken (oops, Windsor Mountain) because she had done a story on the whole controversy and told me a story about a Michigan Interlochen lawyer calling up and being real sketchy with her. Booooo Michigan Interlochen. She also told me when she had her first radio flashback dream about NPR in a really long time. She said she was in an editing room and Ira Glass walked in and she said to him, "You're really becoming a parody of yourself these days, don't you think?" I thought that was really funny. She's never met him and said if she didn't she can't imagine herself saying something that mean to him so it was a very bizarre dream. I had been carrying around the copy of The Onion Beau had sent me for Christmas so I passed it on to her. I was waiting to meet someone who I knew would fully appreciate it. Laura, like the Onion, is really good at saying really funny things with complete seriousness. In the Karen village the first night it was decided that we (the villagers and us) would stand around a huge fire and exchange singing songs. Laura's vote was for Twinkle, Twinkle. "Seriously, we should do 'Twinkle, Twinkle.' I think it would be a good song for the kids. 'Twinkle, Twinkle' everyone? Yeah?" I guess it doesn't sound that funny now but I couldn't stop laughing. Twinkle, Twinkle unfortunately didn't happen but the biggest Chicken Dance that village has ever seen (and probably will ever see) did. All the village kids were into it. Only the first hand clapping, wing flapping, butt shaking part. For the spinning around with a partner part the kids all ran away. But then came back for the next verse of hand clapping, wing flapping and butt shaking. We also did the hokey pokey.
Laura's currently in Bangkok, possibly coming down to the islands so I might be able to see her again.

Paul - 30, Australia. Paul was Will's roommate. He also talked a lot but about really interesting stuff that people wanted to hear about. He went to a boarding school for 6 years so he had an awesome repetoire of pranks and jokes and stuff. He led the "Johnnie, Johnnie, Johnnie, Johnnie, whoops! Johnnie, whoops! Johnnie, Johnnie, Johnnie, Johnnie," game. I knew this from when I was 10, so I was in the clear of looking like an idiot. But besides me there was only one other person who knew it. Leaving about 10 people completely clueless and trying for hours to figure out what the secret was. It was great. Paul was cool because he was also trying to learn Thai and I got to try to help. My most important teaching was the difference between "kah" and "kap." Females (and ladyboys) end sentences, questions, etc with "kah." Males end with "kap." He had thought it was based on who you were speaking to. So for the whole time he had been in Thailand he had been saying, "kah" to any women he was talking to and therefore declaring himself a ladyboy. He had no idea. Oopsies!

During the Jumbo Express he was desperately trying to find some big green bamboo to make a didgeridoo out of. I tried to put the words "green," "big," "bamboo" and "where" together but with no sucess. Eventually when we back at the park he found some and made a didg. Very cool.

Michael - 18, England, wait no, Canada. Nice kid but young and I feel like he was faking an English accent the whole time. He talked about the 2 and half months he spent building houses in Costa Rica and how it was with all British kids and that's how he developed the accent, but I'm pretty sure his accent became increasingly British over the week he was at the park. At one point Rachel was talking about one of the dinner dishes and she said "baaa-zil" and I said, "Uh, Rachel, it's called 'bay-zul.'" Rachel's has this ridiculous mix of American/British/Australian accents from growing up at an International School in Singapore. My comment was obviously a joke. Rachel knew this. Michael didn't. "Actually, Beth, either pronouciation is correct. In England they call it 'baaa-zil.'" I then said something like, "Michael. I realize this. I understand how accents work." That was probably the most stern I was at my time at the park. I had wanted to add, "people in my own town, sometimes even in my own family say some words with accents. Why would I expect someone from Singapore to say anything the same way as me? Don't worry, I don't" but I didn't. He also kept on saying, "I really should learn Thai, I'm going to be here for 3 months, but for one month I can't talk because I'll be a novice monk at a monastery and I'll only be allowed to talk once a day," about 20 times. He wasn't mean or a bad person in any way, we talked about music for a while one day (he plays bassoon), he was just a bit "wordy" sometimes as Laura put it.

Em - 26, Australia. Em was awesome! First off she had a conversation with Michael about the whole "one month at a monastery thing." She asked him why he was doing it, if it was purely for the novelty of the experience or if he really had something deeper interest in, and how he planned to use the experience in a meaningful way when he went back home. Em's questions were a lot better than Michael's answers. She didn't come on the Jumbo Express trip and from the first day he arrived stayed as far away as possible from Will. She was very much apart from any of the drama. She was usually stationed over by the 3 new elephants. They were really nice to spend time with. The foot messed up by the landmind just swung back and forth and was really uncomfortable to look at. Elephants are HUGE, so to imagine not being able to use one of the four points of stability seems horrible. To balance that depressing story, I got to watch the baby elephant grow from 2 weeks old to 3 weeks. The relationship between the baby and the mother was very sweet. At the beginning the mother wasn't making any milk, a product of the terrible condition she had just come from. The baby had to be given milk from a bottle. But by the time I left the mother was producing her own milk and the baby went from 3 bottles a day to only 1 bottle and mostly mom's milk. Very very very cool. Unfortunately one of the baby's legs is messed up (I heard that she gave birth on a mountain side and he fell down the mountain right at birth) which may mean that the owner won't want him back (they're both on lease right now) because he won't be able to work. Kind of a mixed blessing.

The mahout for the new mom and baby was an 18 year old Burmese kid named Jokuku. Em hung out with him and the other Burmese mahouts a lot and I joined them occasionally. Kopi (my, now 18 year old, Burmese mahout buddy) now had friends! Jokuku was one of a couple new Burmese teenage boys that came since I had left. When I was there last time Kopi was the only young Burmese mahout. He was so much happier this time. In May he's actually going to be going back to the Burmese Refugee Camp he came from. He said his mom wants him to go to school.

The first time I was I thought, "wow, living at Elephant Nature Park versus Westchester County - what a completely different world." And now, "Burmese Refugee Camp versus Westchester Country - oh god." I'm trying to figure out how to even think about that. Em and I gave Kopi our addresses and email addresses. We tried to ask, "Can you send mail? Maybe one day do you think you may have email?" but his answer to both was, "I don't know."

On the last night a bunch of people played cards, got drunk and started singing very loudly at the main hut. Em had volunteered to babysit with Raki (The 14 month old! Now walking!) while his mom, Jodi, went to a wedding (she wore sparkly fake Birkenstocks and flowy black pants and shirt) so I hung out with her instead. Raki was unfortunately already asleep by the time I got there. We watched Discovery Channel DVDs on Pygmy Mammoths and Elephants (both in Thai). She was supposed to leave Wednesday but then decided to stay one more day, then two, then another week. I'm completely jealous. She came into Chiang Mai on Sunday evening but went back to the park on Sunday night with the Korean Film Crew who had come into Chiang Mai to some editing.

Korean Film Crew - Three guys from KBS (Korea's PBS/BBC) were there for the week. Very strange. I sat in the car with them for a while to relieve Jeff on the way up to the Karen village. He said they were boring and quiet so I said I would switch with him so I could sleep and not be cramped in the back of the cab of the pick up. But then when I got into the car they got really excited that I was from New York. Our conversation went like this... New York --> Sex in the City --> Sarah Jessica Parker --> Jennifer Aniston (one of the guys didn't know the difference I think) --> Brad Pitt --> Angelina Jolie. I didn't get to sleep at all. I learned how to say thank you in Korean. They played a lot of Korean pop in the car which was pretty terrible. They also kept on stopping at nice places to take video and pictures and then would speed on scary, winding mountain roads to make up for lost time. On the plus side, they bought ice cream and peach iced tea for the car. The Korean film crew thought Will looked like Patrick Swayze.

Jeff - 26, Canada. I knew him a bit from last time but got to hang out with him a lot more this time. He pretty much goes wherever Lek goes and she was up at the park a lot this time and did the Jumbo Express trip (which they were going to go on last time but she was sick, so he stayed with her). I found out that he's vegetarian but not because he doesn't want meat in his body, just because he personally doesn't want to create the demand because of the bad conditions for the animals at factory farms. "Let me put it this way - if I order a veggie pizza and they throw bacon on there by accident, I consider it a blessing and enjoy it." I thought that was interesting.

Jeff's now a chicken mom. Lek's brother had found a tiny baby chicken in Chiang Mai sometime around Christmas when it was just a ball of fluff. Jeff adopted it, named it Kulasoo (the Karen words for black foreigner I think?) and is now determined to make it a big tough chicken capable of scaring off the dogs. Right now it fits in his pocket. The Jumbo Express trip was tough for Kulasoo. Some little village kid threw a rock (bigger than the chicken) at it and messed up his foot. And then some insect I found that I thought he may have been interested in eating got some nasty stuff in his eye. He's a trooper though and is recovering well.

Hanging out with Jeff is cool because he knows Thai. Not fluently yet but he's been here for a while and while I know random, useless nouns, he can actually say words with the right pronouciation so that Thais actually understand him. I learned, "kow jai mai?" which means "do you understand?" from him. Very important.

Jeff is Canadian and has flat out said he doesn't like, "the average American." I think this means loud, obnoxious, uninformed, center of attention Americans. He decided that I was from this place called America but it wasn't the same one as that other America. It was a completely different place, just happened to have the same name and make people with a similar accent.
To make judgements about "the average American" seemed kind of harsh, but the more I think about it, I guess he's not completely wrong. I don't think I've personally have never thought about the "the average American" because it seems like too stupid of a concept. But realistically, American probably has more Will type personalities than Beth type personalities. (I forgot to mention before, Will threatened to beat up some Dutch guy on a street in Chiang Mai because he made some comment on a shirt he was wearing. Moose and Adam had to pull him away. Will was proud of himself for letting the guy know he "wasn't going to take that shit.")

Rachel also told me that she thought all Americans are either overweight and eat McDonalds all the time or super skinny and only eat low fat organic stuff and go to the gym 6 hours a day. First I got upset saying, "No! That's only on TV!" But she's not really completely wrong either. I just googled "percentage of overweight Americans" and came up with a 2002 CNN.com article saying a Harris Poll just reported 80% of Americans over age 25 are overweight. Another article said 30% are obese. And if she ever walked into Club Fit she would see the creepy old lady with the spandex leotard and headband who spends all day on the stepper. I guess Singapore doesn't have that woman.

So I guess my mission in the world can't be to represent "the average American," only to act as a reminder that there are Americans who aren't average.

Ugh! Being American is exhausting.

I'll end this with two emails I got from my novice monks friends. The English isn't perfect but a lot better than my Lao, so I don't judge. Also, I like reading how they write because it turns out kind of poetic I think.

From Thong (the good one who may decide to be a monk):

Hi ! Beth .
I am so glad to hear from you today , What are you doing now ? Are you doing good now ? I really hope that you have been doing well as me in Luang pa bang .Was so glad that you happy with Elepants . I hope in southen of Thailand now , How about the weather here ? I hove no much much information from Luang pa bang to let you know , Because of now , I am sick , I just only stay at stay at the temple everyday .
I wish you good luck with your trip , happy , enjoy with your friends all the time .
Please take a good care of yoursself .
Be smile all the time
Talk to you soon
Thong

From Nanh (the bad one who showed up at the bar but then wrote an email saying he was really embarresed and sorry, and felt bad for getting drunk and asked if I would forgive him because he wanted to be friends. I said it was ok, I'm not upset, just a bit suprised and confused.):

Hi Beth
OK,if you dont upset i wouldon't be worry,Actually,I dont go to bars alot,and that's my second time with you,and you thought is correctly,in the fact,monks and novices can't do like that,but how should i do,everyone in this world never behave well all time,some time a person have to do wrong also,but not mean is wrong forever.
Because,som time if some one is in the wrong because of they want to try or want to know how about it,asfor me,that's my first time that i had went to bar with foreign,and i was very exiting to make fun with you,but i know i'm in the wrong,and i intend i would not do more again,because i have really know that doing like that,that's not help anything is better,it just bring failure of life to myself.anyway,I hope you would not show other people know about what i did.
I'm very happy to hear you dont mind me.
How long you will stay in ChiangMai?
Actually,I dont have anything to do I just keep practises with tourists,and i have just finished exam french in last friday,and i think i did well indeed,I hope i can get number one in my class.
i'm not sure how long i will be at the Wat,because right now i dont have any thing to prepair,so i can't tell you now,but when i going to leave i will tell you ok?and if possible can you show me the pictures?
OK let me end here,I hope to see the pictures and keep in reading your letter soon.
Have a good time.
Take care.
Bye.
nanh.

LEAVING THE INTERNET CAFE NOW! IT'S SUNNY FOR ONCE IN KOH PHA NGAN!

Total time - 3 hours, 46 minutes. This is terrible.